~ Looking Glass Girl ~

Tonight I was elected Secretary of the Psychology Club/Psi Chi at VT. I beat this really skinny sorority chick because I win and am somewhat articulate even when flustered and nervously trying to give an impromptu speech.

Today I also talked with Dr. Dunsmore about my Independent Study in her Social Development Lab next semester. She showed me around the lab and explained the two research projects they are currently doing. One is dealing with oppositional children and the other is dealing with certain types of feedback and its effect on the child's achievement. I am extremely excited about this since it is much more oriented towards what I want to do with my career than CABS. At the end of the semester I will be expected to present a poster and come up with a research question for conducting my own undergraduate research over the span of the following two semesters.

I also was able to get an internship with the Women's Resource Center of the New River Valley. It seems like I will be working with children during group therapy sessions. This will require 32-45 hours of training, and I will be working (unpaid of course) about 15 hours per week.

It seems like everything is falling into place so perfectly that I almost expect someone to jump out and be like "HAHA J/K!"  Although I am slightly disappointed with my financial aid award, especially because I have yet to get any scholarships. I consider this to be a wee bit ridiculous when I don't know of many other sophomore psychology majors who work harder than I do. Funding perhaps? Or maybe they have yet to award the scholarships?

All I need now is to get a callback from Books-A-Million so I won't have to work at Kroger again. Hopefully if they do call, they won't insist on interviewing me the week of exams, like Kroger did last year.

As for exams, I have a major paper due and test  on April 30th, and two major papers due and my third Evo Bio test on May 1st.  Consequently, I will be spending the much appreciated holiday tomorrow writing final papers. Although, I am not sure I agree with having a holiday on April 16th, I'm pretty grateful for it this year. I know it is meant to be in remembrance of the victims, but it also brings attention back to Cho, which is exactly what he wanted. Just saying.

Feeling much better today! Either I didn't have the flu, or the shot actually did something to make it go away much faster.

I still can't eat very much, and feel like 10 lbs lighter... diarrhea is the new hollywood diet!

Yay! Now I can... catch up on my reading for school! (And possible take a shower... I feel ick)

Ugh.... I think this is the sickest I have been in a while.

I woke up at 6:30am cause I was going to be at work by 8, but my stomach was horribly unhappy, so I couldn't even finish my shower.
I called in to work sick, and Andrew, like a sweetheart, offered to work my shift for me, but the manager said they needed him more at night.

I think there is no longer anything in my large intestine, my body is in pain everytime I move and I'm freezing, but sweating my arse off.
Yep... pretty sure I have the flue. Which is epic fail since I just got my flu shot Tuesday and paid $25 for it.

I haven't eaten anything today, but Andrew should be here in less than an hour with soup and ginger ale. Now I think I will retire to my couch to watch one of the two channels  I can pick up with my bunny ears.

And I had so many things planned for this weekend....

*Le Blah*

I swear to fucking god. Some people are just so gorram ignorant.

http://www.collegiatetimes.com/stories/2008/10/29/column__obama_s_plan_to_spread_the_wealth_around_flawed

On top of being grossly uninformed, the bitch doesn't even offer any sort of evidence and essentially keeps saying the same thing over and fucking over again, " I don't want to have to support lazy people when I work my ass off" and the whole "this is America, you can do anything if you work hard enough" bullshit is getting old. I know (or know of) many people who have worked hard their whole lives just to have life shit on them and have everything taken away, and in these instances , yes, they may need some help to get back on their feet.  Do you really think this girl has ever known a single person who had ever been on welfare? Doubtful. I know people who were once on welfare because they were going through a rough time, and you would never guess it now because they were capable of getting back on their feet. Also, the average welfare check is somewhere between $200 and $300 a month, barely enough to support a drug addiction (for those of you who think that everyone on welfare is a drug addict). It's difficult to see what else the money would go to after paying for rent, transportation, clothes, and other necessities, certainly not a big screen TV. Also, women don't get more money when they have kids after they go on welfare, they only get money for the kids they had at they time they applied for welfare, and even that is a very meager amount. Dare I even mention the likelihood of  a drastic rise in crime rates because those people are not going to magically start making money, they will have to get it from somewhere else, most likely through  illegal means.  Coming from someone who survived about half of her childhood by receiving some government aid, my father was on disability for about 2 years before he died, and this was not because he didn't want to work, he physically couldn't, he was too goddamned ill to go work 40 hours a week to support his family, and trust me, that check barely paid our bills. Now if you start thinking that people shouldn't receive any sort of handouts because they haven't earned it, does this mean we should get rid of programs like Habitat for Humanity? That family surely didn't earn that house, so they don't have a right to live in it, correct? And lets talk about government grants for college. I receive a few thousand dollars in government aid for college because my family income barely puts me in the middle class. But... I didn't earn this money did I, so I'm not entitled to it right? This is America, if one college kid's family can afford to pay for her tuition, fees, and rent, then shouldn't my family? No? Well, I guess that my family just didn't work hard enough. I digress, but my point is that most people who seem to have these views are from very well to do families. They can not fathom what it is actually like to be disadvantaged, to live paycheck to paycheck, to have someone who simply can't work, to live in a place to economically downtrodden that it's impossible for them to find a job, the list of reasons why a decent hardworking person may not be making enough money to support themselves goes on and on. Another point of mine is that no one should write a political opinion article based on speculation and misconceptions. Don't look like an ass... do some fucking research. All it takes is some knowledge of how to use a search engine.  Don't be so quick to judge, because you may need to be on disability at some point, or rely on social security, despite how hard your work ethic might be.  As they say, Shit happens.


Look, I can cite sources, which is more than that bitch did!

"No participant may receive more than 60 months of TANF cash assistance during his or her lifetime. The average payment is $271 dollars per month, and most families stay on cash assistance less than one year with more than half leaving assistance after 6 months"

http://www.dss.virginia.gov/files/about/mission_plan/vdss/service_plans/financial_assistance_self_sufficiency/sap_7_temporaryassistanceforneedyfamiliesTANF_cashassistance_10-25-07.pdf

Maybe I should be a columnist!

My horribly fickle and often tempestuous love affair with autumn/winter seems to be upon me.

I always seem to forget what a great effect the weather has on my state of mind. It's also highly unfortunate seeing that I live in Blacksburg, VA, home of rapid-cycle bipolar weather on speed!

I have been able to keep my spirits up all semester so far, but lately I have been feeling blah, unmotivated and have had a time of concentrating.

Honestly, all I want to do is snuggle up under the covers with a certain space-heater of mine. However, I have to get up at 7:30am to tutor from 9am-11am.  I know it's probably a good thing to take a break from one another at least once a week, and I especially don't want to go running to him each time I feel down. I've learned my lesson before, and I'm determined to not do anything warranting the label "co-dependency".

In some less than great news, I am also currently flat broke. As in I have about $500 in savings, and about $50 in checking. I may or may not get any sort of money this week since I hardly work at Kroger anymore and I have no idea when the payroll for work-study will kick in. I've tried to be patient, but this is getting ridiculous. I need my fucking refund already. I'm going to call the bursar's office tomorrow and demand they tell me where my money is. They'll probably tell me that it's still processing, but maybe if I beg and plea enough they will hurry the bitch up. I so don't want to have to ask my mother for money as I am already in debt to her for the boots, and the more she does for me the more of a right she will have to insist I do holidays things with her and her fiancee. This I do not wants.

Work times...

Ok guys, srsly. Someone needs to invent hipbone pads.

Ouchies.

This Monday was far more successful in the world of tutoring. I worked with one little girl, Kaylee, on her addition and subtraction. She struggled the most with working backwards in order to find one of the components to the answer, but I suppose that is a pretty abstract concept for 2nd graders. Anyhow, she seemed to do much better one on one than simply following along with the class. I think some extra encouragement and someone to keep her on task was all that was needed. At the end of the session, I actually felt like I had made some progress with her, which definitely left me in spirits higher than the ones I had come in with.


Recently, some of my older journal posts have been brought to my attention. I have to admit that I am fairly ashamed of what a petty, whiney little bitch I was. Srsly guys, why did none of you have the sense to fucking beat my ass until I stopped being such an emo bitch?
Anyhow, I thought about deleting said embarrassing journals, or at least making them friends only or private, but I suppose that keeping them public will deter me from reverting back to such a self deprecating, unproductive state of being. I suppose it's analogous to a shame sentence; a man beats his wife and has to wear a sign displaying such information in a public place and this is supposed to prevent him from further wife beating. Well in this case I'm wearing a sign that says I used to be an emo bitch so it will prevent me from becoming one again in the future. 
In other words, I don't want to forget about how I used to be for fear of slipping back into that mentality. Also, it is helpful for monitoring my progress, " Wow! I used to be such a dumb bitch, but I'm awesomer now! Look how far I've come in so little time!"

I also seem to be caught up in the process of reevaluating my religious stance( or my definition of my religious stance, or lack thereof). 
I know  this probably is not pleasing to the Travis.
I was a bit taken aback at first, and extremely hesitant and just plain stubborn. I really hated being confronted with the possibility that what I consider to be a definitive part of myself was based on misinformation. I suppose using that as my reason to ignore the fact that I have been misinformed for a number of years would just be unforgivably ignorant. All in all, I'm a bit perplexed, but coming to terms with it. All in good time I suppose.

According to the Belief-o-Matic, I should be a Unitarian Universalist (100%), a Secular Humanist (99%) or a Liberal Quaker (90%).

What religion does it say my views differ from the most? Roman Catholicism (7%).

Tutoring this week went well overall. Monday is going to be my worst day since the teacher is not particularly friendly and there are some problem children in the class. In the other classes the teachers are very nice and helpful and the kids I have worked with have been rather pleasant. I have one last class to meet tomorrow, the kindergarteners.

I went to the Psych club meeting last night to listen to the graduate panel. Oh my goodness, talk about being overwhelmed with information. It was very helpful though as it really got me thinking ... about how much shit I have to do in the next 2 1/2 years! I also talked to my adviser today, and she was really encouraging. She said it was typical for my major to have so much time left empty since they expect most students to do research and other things to get experience. So far, I think I will try and study abroad in either England or Scotland first semester next year. Second semester junior year I will probably do an independent study, and I hope to get internships next summer and the summer between junior and senior year. Senior year will be full or research and thesis writing and graduate school application. I also may try to get started on undergrad research next semester. I am also planning to start studying for my GREs this summer since I feel as if that is the single part of my application that would make or break me as Michelle no likey standardized testing.

Holy Hell! Where did all this ambition come from?

I have to pay my rent on Wednesday and my school refund is still no where to be seen.

GIMME MY FUCKING $3000 THAT YOU OWE ME!!!

Guess I have to take another $1000 out of my savings to pay rent and bills...

Life is too fucking expensive.

Edit: Did I mention that I took out a loan specifically so I would have money to pay my rent?

( Courtesy Cut! )

( Hopefully I will be getting new winter attire consisting of... )

I think I am the most content that I have been in a very long time.

I may expound upon this later.

I hope it lasts...

Now I must study for my first psych test!

Today I fell up some stairs.

It was awesome.

Remember that thing about me being single for this semester.

I think I might fail at keeping to my word...

But did anyone really expect me to remain single for 3 1/2 whole months?

I blame the fact that awesome guys keep showing up in my life.

I really wish I knew what to think.

I just want someone to talk to, as pathetic as that sounds.

And I mean really talk to, not just converse with.

There seems to be a lady bug living on my wall.

"I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a 'community organizer,' except that you have actual responsibilities."


 Oh fuck you Sarah Palin. Fuck you in your super conservative, hypocritical ass.

There are so many things about her speech that piss me off.

Yes, it was well delivered, but it was catty and uninformative.

I was fine with the prospect of McCain being president, but now that Palin has the possibility of becoming president if McCain kicks the bucket, I am so terrified of a Republican victory.

Oh, and Rudy Guiliani can suck my cock.

Apparently I'm being entrusted with the minds of small children (in other words, I was offered a tutoring position with the VT Literacy Corps). Is this a wise decision on their part? Y/N?

They're offering me $8.50-$9.50 per hour(depending on where I decide to tutor) and I have to work a minimum of 10 hours per week. This means I may only work at Kroger once a week and over breaks (to have an excuse to not go home).

So all in all, I must say...SUCCESS!

Why do things persist to be complicated?!

As of sometime this morning when the thought occurred to me, I am resigning myself to remain single for at least this semester.

This should be an interesting experiment.

And make the holidays all the more depressing. I'll just have to come up with more reasons not to go home I suppose.